The graduation parcel

Suddenly, as my name was called, a strong feeling of doubt came over me. I had sut there, waiting for this to happen, for - I don't know how long. It felt like years. The isolation of The School had done wonders for my training, my focus as well as my general knowledge. I had gotten to know so many things and learnt innumerable new techniques, many the like of which I hadn't even dreamt of before. I had spent so much time preparing for the outside, yet now that I could feel it, just some hours away, I felt scared. It all felt too real.

I stood up and met the proud gaze of my mentor as I went down the great hall to where he stood. I could feel the jealous eyes of my fellow students following me. Most of them were spoiled brats, with no sense of knowledge and true power. Some of them hadn't even bothered to learn to read properly. They never realised what a privilege each hour at The School had been. True enough, I had gained some "friends", but they were really all just vultures, longing to get to what I had. If they had the chance to make money on my downfall, they would be over me in a second, like crows on a dying fox. But I wouldn't have been able to make it through these three years on my own, so they had been a necessary evil.

My mentor had assigned Doff, a dim-witted student with whom I had had little to do, to call the names of the graduates. Even after these three years together in the same class, he had had trouble reading and pronuncing my name. I could feel him getting nervous as I approached him and my mentor, where they stood next to the altar. My mentor handed me my parcel, and Doff eyed me nervously as I reached out to receive it. I gave him a glare, and he seemed to be on the verge of wetting his trousers. I then turned back to face my mentor, who nodded his approval of me opening my parcel.

I basically already knew what was in there; my mentor had told me. He had great plans for me, he had said. He had been in contact with a prominent person in the Industry, someone who wanted me to become the head of a new factory in Lethsburg. It was an incredible honour, but thanking my mentor for it would have been a show of weakness. In the parcel would be a contract or a letter from this "prominent person", along with some trinket from the school. Since we weren't allowed to communicate with the outside, there would also be any confiscated letters from my family and those people whom I had called friends. Some students had tried to cheat the rules of communication, because of their ridiculous homesickness and any pathetic, lingering feelings that would do them no good here. Some had tried to sneak out, just to post a letter. Some had even tried to crack the mailbox open in search of anything addressed to them. No one had ever succeeded, of course. My parents knew that I couldn't communicate with them during these three years and had most likely sent nothing at all.

And yet this feeling of doubt hung over me, like a hailstorm cloud waiting to burst. What if they had sent something? What if I was about to see my father's handwriting again for the first time in three years? My little sister, Joanne, would have learned to write by now. I started to feel an obsession not to open the package. But I had to. I tried hard not to start shaking. I had stopped thinking of them the moment I first entered the school hall. I had done all in my power not to think of Joanne's happy smile, blonde hair and the cute white ribbon she would always wear. Pictures of the past entered my head as I fumbled with the wrapping. I remembered how proud my father was, the day I got the message of acceptance from The School. I remembered my mother, trying to hide her tears as we were forced to separate, three years ago. My best friend, Shent, had stood there too, wishing me luck with her ever laid back smile. I had been so sad, to be separated from them all. Had I changed so much since then?

I felt a pat on my shoulder and turned to see my mentor holding out a pair of scissors for me. He must have noticed my hesitation, even though I tried my best to hide it. I pulled myself together and turned back to the parcel. I cut the cords wrapping it. They fell silently to the ground. Then I opened my parcel.